Thursday, November 19, 2009
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
I found it.
Old, brown & spotted.
A letter from my grandmother.
A letter from Diya.
The letter has a smell.
A peculiarly, familiar smell.
The smell of old books &
all things forgotten?
I smell her in the letter.
She is with me again.
Invisible yet present.
Intangible yet full-bodied.
I can feel her again.
Feel her after nine,long years.
The year 2000, reads the letter.
She writes about her trip to the U.S.A,
Her visits to the Niagra Falls
& the Yellowstone National park.
Her excitement is visible.
I read the letter thrice.
Each time scourging the letter,
to find any missed detail,
to find something New.
I find Nothing.
The letter does not change.
The letter is meant for a 10-year old.
As I read it,
I find myself transforming.
Transforming into the 10-year old ME.
The girl,who received the letter,
nine,long years ago.
A girl, bubbling with excitement
on receiving an American stamped letter.
As I read the letter,
I realise how much I miss her.
Nine years is a long time.
Time is a fast healer,they say.
It makes you forget.
But one look at the letter,
& I know its all false.
As long as I live,
I will always love & miss her.
The letter is not a letter anymore.
She lives in it.Its her.
The woman I call Diya.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Tonight was special.Tonight Vikrant Jaiswal,the self-made millionaire businessman,is going to announce his wedding,during his interview on the 10 o'clock news.Vikrant Jaiswal. Ayesha's fiance. The love of her life. Vikrant was everything Ayesha had ever dreamt of. If there existed a prince charming, it had to be Vikrant! The man with whom Ayesha dreamt of riding into the sunset.
9:53p.m. Ayesha was growing restless. She remembered how she had met Vikrant for the first time. Ayesha was the newsreader for a private news channel. Intelligent,witty,attractive,Ayesha was brilliant at her job. This ensured that she covered all the important prime-time stories. So when the channel decided to do cover the success story of Vikrant Jaiswal, Ayesha was the obvious choice to interview him. Vikrant arrived on time ad before the camreas started rolling, he had started a banter with Ayesha. The interview lasted for twenty minutes, but Ayesha and Vikrant kept talking late into the night. Ayesha had been floored by Vikrant.
It took two more meetings between the two,for them to realize that they were in love. Ayesha thought Vikrant was caring,loving,supportive,modest,down-to-earth,and intelligent. Everything she looked for in a man. Vikrant on the other hand fell in love with Ayesha's intelligence,her determination and sincerity towards whatever she did. Both of them were brutally honest, a quality which both of them admired. The two of them became inseparable.
After a whirlwind romance of a month,Vikrant took Ayesha out on a cruise & there amidst red roses & soft music playing in the background,he popped the big question to Ayesha. Needless to say,Ayesha agreed immediately with tears of joy sparkling in her eyes. Finally, today Vikrant was going to announce to the world, that he was getting married to Ayesha.
9:58p.m. Ayesha suddenly had an anxiety attack. She tried calming herself thinking that she would be able to see Vikrant's smiling face on the TV screen in just a few moments. But ominous thoughts kept flooding her mind. She tried her best to ward them off, but was unsuccessful. She sat biting her nails and looking nervously at the clock ticking away.
9:59p.m. Ayesha switched on the TV. Although she felt happy and excited, she couldnt really ignore the strange thoughts playing in her mind. One more minute to go before the BIG MOMENT. 10:00p.m. The news started. But instead of Vikrant's interview, the "BREAKING NEWS" sign flashed across the TV screen. Ayesha got impatient. She clicked her tongue in irritation. Then suddenly,something she saw on TV, hit her like a bolt of lightning. The entire room swirled around her. She felt like she was sinking helplessly into an endless pit of darkness. Nothing around her was making sense. She was falling into a hole with no end. Stretching her arms out, Ayesha tried holding onto anything that she could grab. Catching hold of a chair,she caught it with both her hands, and with a huge effort, sunk into the chair.
Ayesha couldnt believe what she saw on TV. She did not kow what to do. Trembling and shaking she felt helpless. Her mind drifted to the images she saw on TV. The same images were being played over and over again in the news. Ayesha blankly stared at the TV screen.
"BREAKING NEWS" flashed across the screen. Then the images of the mangled remains of a car on the road. There had been an accident on the highway. The car had collided with a truck going in the wrong lane and being driven way beyond the speed limit. The passenger inside the car had died on the spot in the impact of the crash. The truck driver had escaped with minor injuries. Images of the dead man were being shown. The body was soaked in blood. A shiver ran through Ayesha's spine. Then the voice of the news anchor,giving details of the accident. "Businessman Vikrant Jaiswal, aged 28, dies in car crash on Highway 36. Jaiswal's car collided with a truck which was going in the wrong lane and off the speed limit. Vikrant Jaiswal died on the spot. The truck driver,who was drunk,escaped with minor injuries. He has been arrested and taken into custody by the police. Vikrant Jaiswal, was on his way to our news station for an interview. Our correspondent Akash is present at the site of the car crash. We will get the details from him. 'Akash can you hear me? At what time......' ". Ayesha switched off the TV.
Her phone started ringing. Friends and relatives were calling after hearing the tragic news. Ayesha switched off her phone. She wanted to be alone. The 10 o'clock news. It was the place where they had met & where Vikrant was going to announce their wedding. It turned out to be the place, which brought an end to her dreams. The place where she saw her Vikrant, going away from her life forever. Her world had come crashing down. Silently wiping off her tears, Ayesha made her way into the bedroom. She sat down infront of a framed picture of the two of them. Vikrant smiled at her out of the photograph.
Clutching the photograph to her heart, Ayesha closed her eyes and began dreaming. Dreaming of riding into the sunset with Vikrant. Ayesha smiled in her dream. She had always thought Vikrant was the stuff dreams are made of. Now Vikrant has been reduced to just that. A dream. A happy dream. A single drop of tear rolled down her cheek.
I wonder how it feels to fly.
Into the clear blue sky,
or between the shredded clouds.
I wonder how it feels to
stretch wings of freedom
into the limitless horizon.
I wonder how it feels to
soak in the warm rays of the sun in your wings,
or to be rainkissed in the first bouts of monsoon
while you fly.
I wonder how it feels to
be soaring above everyone.
Do you feel majestic?
I wonder how it feels to
dance with the wind
or be embraced by it,while you fly.
I wonder how it feels to fly over borders,over the seas and the mountains.
Is the sky any different on that
side of the border?
Are the sun's rays warmer?
Do the rain or wind seem any different?
I envy you as you fly away.
Fly away into forbidden land.
The land across the border,
while I remain here bound by
chains of restriction and restraint.
I want to be free.
Teach me how to fly,
how to spread my wings and fly away.
I want to see the world.
Not through picture in books.
I want to fly over the seas and the oceans
and the mountains.
Take me with you.
Set me free.
I want to know how it feels to fly.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Monday, April 27, 2009
I have known a nearly bald old man,with spectacles,for all the 19years of my life. The old man,who had been a pillar of strength for me. An extremely protective and caring old man.
He was extremely particular about what I ate. He would call up Ma to make sure I was eating right! He had a special fascination for fruits,especially mangoes!! :) He had a white cloth bag with which he would go out everyday and return with the bag laden with fruits. And since he loved mangoes,he made sure everyone had their share of the king of fruits,every summer. So,at the onset of every summer,I would receive a certain amount of money from him,just to buy mangoes!! Although I hate mangoes myself, I gave in to his demands of spending the "mango-money" on buying mangoes and having them too!! & that was quite a challenging and daunting task for me.
My studies were a cause of enthusiasm to him.Ever since i was a babbling,bawling kid,the bald old man was convinced I had the spark of a genius. Its a completely different case altogether, that noone else shared his viewpoint. But the bald old man was not to be deterred! I am told that in a school interview at the age of 3-4,I was shown a fruit basket filled with the usual fruits as well as cucumber,carrots etc. When asked what it was, I had replied "SALAD"!! ;) I guess the "genius" in me had let out its "spark" in the interview!! Now obviously you can all conclude what the result of that interview had been. But the bald old man had said "see,she gave such an intelligent answer! the school authorities ought to take her in". Such was his faith in me!!Anything that concerned my school life interested him. Whether it be my exams,or some competitions I took part in,my results,the new books that came in each class.....After giving every exam,he was the first person to know how my exam went. If i did not fare well in something, he would call 3-4 times a day to cheer me up and offer words of encouragement.
As a kid,I used to count him as one of my playmates. We would play all sorts of make-believe games,with him being anyhting i asked him to be. Station master,shopkeeper, bus conductor, detective, any damn thing! The bald,old man was also very interested in anything new,be it computers,mobiles,digital cameras. When Baba bought him a mobile, the bald old man was as excitd as a kid gets on getting a new toy!! He spent hours examining the mobile and discussing with me how it worked,how he could operate it,whether my mobile was different from his,whether he could click pictures with it etc etc....Another of his great loves, were watches.. He wore a watch at all times of the day,even while sleeping. A habit which has grown on me. And he was very particular about the brand of watch. It necessarily had to be Titan.
My birthdays were the days he would get the most excited. Even more excited than myself. & thats saying something! Really!! The bald old man made sure he was with me on each of my birthday,except for the last one. He would be extremely involved and wanted to know how many guests were coming,what was being cooked that day,what i would be wearing......The birthday present from him was always very very special..'coz whatever he gave me,he would make sure to write a few lines on top of it.. :) But perhaps the most precious thing that he has ever given me is my name, Deblina. The name which is my identity,the name with which i am known,and the name which will remain with me forever...
On my last birthday,the bald old man lay on a hospital bed,diagnosed with cancer,battling for life..Inspite of being so critically ill,he still remembered my birthday & when Baba went to visit him all that the bald old man asked him was how my birthday was celebrated! The old man passed away a day after my birthday,leaving a huge void in my life. people said he was 86,it was time for him to go.. I disagree. For an 86 year old man,with the spirit of a young child raring to go,full of life,& always enthusiastic & excited about everything,NO AGE is the RIGHT time to go,'coz such people are rare..Rare and unique..
I have so many memories with the bald old man..memories which seem like a treasure trove to me..memories that will cherished forever..memories of the man,who was & will always be an integral part of my life. The man who lives in almost everything I do..The man whose words and thoughts echo in my mind all the time..The man who has had such a huge hand in making me who I am today..The man whom I'll dearly miss.. The man whose place cannot be taken by anybody in this world.. The man for whom i was "Sona".. The bald old man.. The bald old man who was, is,& will always be MY GRANDFATHER......
I think everyone has some fond childhood memories..memories which will always be there with you,throughout your life..some which even if you try to forget,you will be reminded of at family gatherings and be laughed at!! yes they can be outright embarassing,some of them can even make you wish that you could go hide in the centre of the earth!! ;) but those were the fun days!! just felt like sharing some childhood secrets of mine....... enjoy!!
1. I used to be a cry baby..would cry at the drop of a hat..
2.Loved chasing cockroaches with my slippers n then mercilessly banging them to death!! yeah i guess i was one freaky kid..but trust me it was sooooo much fun!! just try it once!!
3.Every single morning,while brushing my teeth i asked my father the same questions :"baba,kanad ki bole?" "baba, bubu koto boro holo?" "baba,moni ki bole?" kanad n moni are childhood buddies n bubu is my cousin..
4.I used to think that the british ruled india immediately after the dinosaur age!!i had asked my maternal grandmother,"diya tumi british der dekhecho?" when she said yes..my immediate question was "tahole to tumi dinosaur der o dekhecho na?" ;)
5.I wanted to be a princess when i grew up..*sigh* (my next door neighbour rik,who is my age,would be the gatekeeper of my castle!!!)
6.I loved dancing to Madhuri's dance numbers!! ek do teen was my favourite!! n another favourite song was d akshay kumar song "churake dil mera"..n d song from mohra!!i forgot the name!! those two were quite cheesy,but i would start dancing as soon as the song came on tv!! ;) n sometimes i would start dancing at the oddest places,even without music!!once due to my dancing,a bowl containing curd just flew off the table!! that incident is still the standing joke in our family!!
7.I fell in love with SRK at the age of five..after watching DDLJ..i was convinced he was THE man for me!! i still LOU him!! :D
8.I was mistaken for a boy once in digha!! a photographer came up to my dad n asked "dada,cheler shonge chobi tulben?" :o lol! :D
9.I discoverd my love for acting at the age of seven at a neighbourhood function,where i took part in a drama..it was MODERN RAMAYAN..n i was sita..n both ram n laxman were shorter than me!!! haha!! :D
10.I used to get involved in violent fights with one particular boy in golf green..so much so,that once we were in the chulochuli state,n dis boy pulled my ear so hard that my ear-ring came off cutting my ear n leaving it bleeding!!
11.I learnt playing cards at the age of five,n beat 8 adults with whom i was playing!! what an achievement!!
12.I had the firm belief that my dad was extremely ignorant n probably illiterate!! so much so that i started crying when my mom told my dad to teach me a certain lesson one day..i feared that i would fare miserably in the test if my dad taught me!!! ;)
13.I loved wearing my mom's sunglasses(which were so big that it would cover half of my face),n posing stylishly for my dad's camera!!!
14.I started drinking tea from the age of 3!!!! i started quite early i must say!! n i had said "monkey cap ta thik chayer shonge jache na"
15.I had a fascination for the tickets bus conductors used to carry..i would collect them n put them in bunches just like the conductor carries..then i would act out like him!!! i had an ambition of being a bus conductor!!! ;>
16.My paternal grandfather was a great friend..i would play for hours with him!! n being the eldest grandchild,i was favoured more..a situation i took full advantage of!!;)
17.In lower infant in each column of my report card it was written NEEDS IMPROVEMENT..!!!!:O
18.When my first cousins came over from the US, i was totally fascinated by them..the way they talked,the way they dressed,whatever they ate,what they watched on tv etc..i was 3 at that time..i used to copy their accent n speak gibberish..my cousins ven have a video of that!! n i would copy my cousin Rishi in whatever he did..n the fights that we used to get into!!our mothers had a tough time handling us!!;)
19.Whenever i would get up in a car,i would push whoever sat beside me with my elbows n say "uff shoro!! Space pachina!!!" ;>
20.I used to own a HUGE,HUGE number of toys..soft toys,plastic toys etc..n there were those dolls..i had around 20-25 of them and each of them had a name-tina,mina,amina bibi,dolly etc..i miss them!! :(
Friday, April 24, 2009
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
the only thing bugging me right now,is one important question - WHAT DO I WRITE ABOUT?
i guess i need to go n figure that out!! so till the next time, ciao!! :)